If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize