it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
