can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
