ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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