i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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