There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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