He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
