It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
