I skipped work to stalk him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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