Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
