new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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