I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
