I hate all girls vehemently.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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