bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
