And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
