I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i would punch a child for taco bell
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize