I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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