He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
