ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
