maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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