ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
