you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize