I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
