4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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