im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
