What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
