distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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