I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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