I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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