talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
