so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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