oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
