Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
