I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
