I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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