my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize