My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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