Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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