I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
