he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize