She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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