I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
