Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
