Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
