paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
