Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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