Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
