My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
