Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
