Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
