So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dicks are not precious.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
