After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
