There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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