Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
