not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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