I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
