Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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