I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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