if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
