ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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