So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
