This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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