He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
