I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
time to smoke my breakfast
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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