Me. At least after what I've been through.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
