I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
