rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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