Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize