Don't you send me to vm
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
