my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
