you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
