i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
