I hate your face
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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