i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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