i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
