Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
