No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
