Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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