he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
