You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
