Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
