thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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