I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I want a musical about memes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
