sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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