Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
