My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she peed on how many people?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The air was thick with penises
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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